Occupational Hazards
by lucretiafly
Summary: Originally a '5 times they end up in ER' fic, but my inspiration seems to have left me with two scenes to go. So now it's just a collection of accidents at work and some discussions.
1. Chapter 1

**Author:** lucretiafly

**Pairing:** House/Wilson

**Rating:** MA (NC-17)

**Word count:** 449

**Summary:** The hazards of office-space sex.

* * *

It wasn't that they actively sought out dangerous situations, but House was someone for whom 'classic' bed sex got boring quite quickly, especially as his right leg prevented him from trying a few of the more experimental positions. Wilson had discovered this a couple of months after bedding him, when the novelty of a new body to explore had worn off and House considered that he now had all of Wilson's erogenous zones mapped out in his head and hands. House did have a collection of toys that they still had plenty of fun to get out of, but his current fixation was with undoing Wilson in as many hospital-based environs as possible, and if some of the surfaces they used as support weren't as secure as desired, well… that was just an occupational hazard.

Which is why they were now in the situation of Wilson with his condom-sheathed cock out, standing over House with a surprised expression on his face as House struggled to get his feet out from under the two-drawer filing cabinet currently toppled and pinning him to the floor.

It had started out great; the cabinet was the perfect height for House to perch on, his backside hanging over the edge, on a line matched with Wilson's hips. They hadn't considered the need to check if it were bolted to the floor and so a particularly energetic thrust from Wilson had pitched the whole thing forwards, along with House to the floor.

"Oi, erection-boy! Send the blood flow to your more useful - although admittedly less sexy - brain and help me get out from here."

Wilson shook himself and stepped over to House. He tipped the cabinet back into its correct orientation, the light weight that had been their downfall a bonus now that he needed to free House.

He fingered the tender ankle and told House, "It's swollen, doesn't feel broken. Just a bad twist, caught at the wrong angle. Nothing a bandage and some rest won't fix. Still, I'd like to get you down to ER just to get it checked."

He frowned as he helped his lover to his feet, and House winced to apply pressure. "Lucky it's your right foot; you can take the weight off it with your cane."

"Gee, thanks Doc, but I think I'm smart enough to work all that out myself."

Wilson sighed as he removed the condom and helped fasten both their pants.

"Not smart enough to have anticipated physics. Come on."

He unlocked the office door and walked close enough to catch House if he fell, whilst making sure it didn't seem like he was, as they made their way to the elevator and the ER.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author:** lucretiafly

**Pairing:** House/Wilson

**Rating:** MA (NC-17)

**Word count:** 765

**Summary:** The hazards of store-room sex.

* * *

"I'm fine, stop coddling me." House swiped at Wilson's outstretched arm.

"You're only grumpy because a filing cabinet disrupted your last anal pounding" was the stated reply.

"Well, d'uh. That might be why I'm trying to get this one started so quickly. And you can't fuck me if you're coddling me."

"I think you'll find I probably can" but Wilson relented and withdrew his helping hand. "As long as you can stand fine. Don't forget you have a twisted ankle as well as a bum leg."

"As if I could forget" grumbled House as he shifted the majority or his weight to his left leg. Then he returned his focus to the cabinet in front of him, shoving it experimentally and then bracing against it.

"Sturdy. Shouldn't budge at all, no matter how hard you pound me - and you'd better pound me. I'm about ready to burst."

Wilson had dropped his pants, laid out an open sachet of lube and rolled on a condom whilst House had been arranging himself, and now he stepped up behind him and fitted strong arms around House's waist.

His hands groped for the belt buckle and he murmured against House's ear; "Oh yes, I'm gonna pound you. I'll pound you so hard your prostate will be screaming for me to stop." He slid House's trousers and pants to his knees and licked an earlobe as one hand went to House's cock and the other to the lube on the cabinet and then to House's crack. As he inserted first one finger, then a second and a third, he nibbled the earlobe and continued crooning.

"But I'm not gonna stop. I'll pull back; give you slight respite and then slam in again, feeling me need building up inside of me. I'll fuck you so hard your knees will buckle and only the force of my body against yours will keep you upright against this cabinet." He punctuated his sentences with flicks to House's prostate and felt the man quiver beneath him.

"You like that, huh?" Wilson removed his fingers with final twist and lined up his cock instead.

"I can tell you do. Your cock's so _hard_," and with that, he thrust his own member home.

"_Nnngnnyah!_" House's breath came out in a rasp as he spread his arms wider to grip the sides of their ballast.

"Oh fuck Wilson, I've gotta come. Fuck me hard, yeah, fuck me harder."

Wilson set up a hard and fast rhythm, both of them too on edge from their previous, interrupted encounter to want to go slow. The cabinet creaked and slammed against the wall, but held, as Wilson jerked at House in time with his thrusts. The room vibrated around them as their breaths came faster and Wilson pressed his face to House's shoulder, sobbing out, "Oh, House, Ohh, House…"

House convulsed, thrusting unevenly into Wilson's fist and back out onto his cock. The objects on the shelves above them trembled to the edge and fell as the cabinet hit hard against the wall. House came as glass test tubes and plastic stands fell around him, with Wilson not far behind.

With a shout of "Oh fuck, _Wilson!_" he slammed his right hand down onto the cabinet, oblivious to the destruction around them.

His body shuddered, and as his legs gave out he sagged sloppily to the floor. Blinking sleeping up at Wilson, he finally registered the splinters of glass as they pressed against his skin. He looked around at the carnage and elbowed Wilson in the shin.

"Hey. We brought the shelves down. Damn, we're good!" he laughed.

As Wilson surveyed the mess and pulled up his trousers, he caught sight of a splash of red on the cabinet-top. A quick glance confirmed it wasn't his, and he called "House?", first breathlessly then stronger; "House! Blood. Your hand?" and House looked to see a ragged gash across his palm, sparkling with slivers of thin glass.

"Huh. Didn't notice. I gotta learn how to make endorphins in pill form."

Wilson helped him up, commenting "we've got a routine now. 'Pants up, ER!' I'll come back and clean this mess." He gestured to the disarray and two of House's bodily fluids on steel.

"Lead on, my white knight" joked House as he leaned his weight on Wilson, unable to use his cane with his right hand bleeding and held aloft. Wilson grabbed his cane instead and steered him once again towards the elevators.

"Two visits in one day. Cameron's gonna think you like her or something." Wilson grinned as House balked.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author:** lucretiafly

**Pairing:** House/Wilson

**Rating:** MA (NC-17)

**Word count:** 764

**Summary:** The hazards of office-space sex.

* * *

"Not in your fishbowl of an office, House!"

"Aw, come on. The blinds are down, the doors lock. Taub and Kutner are gonna be hours checking the patient's home, and I have Thirteen tied up in the labs."

Wilson cocked an eyebrow.

"Yes, literally tied up. She likes it kinky," House said sarcastically, then whined, "Come on Wilson, be daring for once! We can turn the lights off, no one will even realise we're in here."

The younger man's other eyebrow raised at this suggestion, and by the look on his face, House knew he had won.

"Oh-ho no House, if I'm going down on you in your office, I want to be able to see what it does to you."

House shivered slightly in anticipation. He was learning that once he got past his token reservations, Wilson could be just as dirty as House. Yet another way in which his best friend was _so_ not boring.

"Okay." Wilson scanned the room quickly, planning the set up. He cinched the back of House's office chair to almost 60 degrees, and lowered it as far as it would go.

"I should be able to reach that. Double-check the doors and knock the light off while you're there." He stood and positioned the chair so there was plenty of space for him on the floor at the front, and angled the desk lamp over where House's head would be, prompting the diagnostician's forthcoming question to turn into a wicked smile. "Then park your ass over here."

This raised a further grin from House. He may be the one usually in the position of demanding and cajoling them into bed together at any given opportunity, but once they were there the trousers were all on Wilson. Metaphorically speaking. Literally speaking, they were on the floor, more often than not discarded somewhere in the hallway as they made their way to the bedroom.

Once Wilson was satisfied that all precautions had been taken to prevent any unwelcome intrusions, he settled himself on his knees in front of House's chair, hidden from sight in the space behind House's wooden desk. House himself was reclined on the chair, eyes on the ceiling, fingers interlaced over his chest, and flies and legs already parted. Wilson ran his palms over the inside of House's thighs, enjoying the firmness of muscle and the contented sigh the movement elicited from House. As he freed House's burgeoning erection from his pants and started to lap his way up the shaft, House planted his feet more firmly on the floor, his knees up past Wilson's shoulders and legs braced against the movement of the wheeled chair. He groaned loudly as Wilson swallowed him, secure in the knowledge that all adjoining rooms and balconies were empty. At Wilson's answering hum against his cock, he wriggled his hips and registered Wilson's arms moving to grip the seat of the swivel chair, holding it in place.

_God, Wilson was good at this. His need to please was really rather beneficial at times like this…_ House settled back and let out a small moan of encouragement.

"Mmm… You taste goood" Wilson purred, lifting his eyes to gaze at House's face and applying liberal amounts of tongue as he sucked down hard on his cock. House's body responded with an involuntary thrust upwards and Wilson's hands flew to his lover's hips to hold them still. He worked his lips faster up and down, and House all but cried out as he tried to buck his hips further up into Wilson's warm mouth. At a particularly attentive ministration by Wilson, House lost control of his body and his legs slipped outwards, propelling the office chair backwards. Feeling House's cock slipping from his mouth, Wilson tried to grad at House's hips but the downwards force on the already moving-chair only served to speed up House's head's approach to the edge of the glass desk against the window. The resulting 'crack' echoed through the quiet room, and Wilson was on his feet and peering at his friend's skull before House had fully got his mouth around the words "…Ow …Fuck." He batted away Wilson's hands as they flicked the ever-handy penlight into his eyes, and brought his hands up to tenderly finger the warm stickiness spreading over his scalp.

He cursed again, bringing his fists down with a thump on the seat chair. "I don't suppose you'll be finishing what we started now, will you?" he asked mournfully.

"Uh, no, House. We're going to ER. Try not to stand up too quickly."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author:** lucretiafly

**Pairing:** House/Wilson

**Rating:** MA (T)

**Word count:** 489

**Summary:** The hazards of work sex - interlude.

* * *

"House, uh, slipped… hit his head on the side of the desk. Don't think he's concussed but better check him out to be sure. Needs a few stitches."

"Elevated heart rate, flushed, rapid breathing, dilated pupils… but not a concussion. Are you high, House? More so than usual, I mean."

Cameron stood above him, looking puzzled as she ran a few stitches through the crown of his head. "When people slip and hit their heads on desks, the cut is usually lower - at the occipital, or on the forehead. This is just… you must have come at it from some weird angle, horizontally or something." She looked at House in bafflement. "What kind of crazy stunt were you up to? Wait. If there was a hooker involved, I don't actually want to know."

House scowled and looked away, throwing a quick glance in Wilson's direction as he did so. At the sight of his friend he snorted in amusement. Wilson was studiously looking up at the ceiling and away, his still-red lips almost pursed to whistle. If it weren't for the blush creeping up his neck, Wilson would be the poster boy for innocence.

House didn't dare look back at Cameron to see if she had caught it too.

* * *

"How come they never get injured alone?" demanded Cameron of her two former colleagues. She had stormed to the staff lounge to find someone to listen to her rant, and conveniently found Chase and Foreman in front of the TV. "Wilson has been with House the past three times this fortnight when someone's had to patch him up, and when Wilson had to come down to ER from his office, House was there with him - even though it was 2am."

"So?" remarked Foreman. "They're always together. Luckily for House; that head blow could have been serious."

"No… I mean, I know they're always together, but if they're together and beating each other-"

"-Off?" was Chase's interjection, and he smirked at Cameron's shocked face.

"-Up." she snapped with a pointed glare at Chase, before returning to her plaintive voice. "..Then we… someone… Cuddy needs to do something! I'm worried about them!"

"I think 'beating each other off' is a far more likely suspect." Chase continued to smirk, and Foreman settled down to pretend he wasn't going to listen to the argument he knew would follow.

"What? No… Wilson's been married three times-"

"-Divorced three times."

"House lived with Stacy-"

"-Didn't take Stacy back - which is suspect enough in my mind. She was hot."

"He went on a date with me!"

"You forced him on a date with you. Look. People can be bi. They can explore their sexuality whatever their age and history. Maybe… Maybe they're just friends with benefits."

"Really accident-prone benefits" said Foreman without looking up from his journal.

Chase shot him an amused look, while Cameron huffed. Still, she didn't look quite so certain anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author:** lucretiafly

**Pairing:** House/Wilson

**Rating:** MA (T)

**Word count:** 220

**Summary:** The hazards of work sex - conclusion.

* * *

"House!" Cuddy snapped as she walked into his office. He lounged back in his chair and glanced sardonically at Wilson, who was perched on the side of his desk.

"Dr. Wilson, you too, you're in just as much trouble." This prompted Wilson to raise an eyebrow and exchange a questioning glance with House, whilst trying to ignore the cane being rubbed against his leg at an angle Cuddy couldn't see.

"What-" he started, but was cut off as Cuddy brought out the big guns and aimed them straight at the point.

"Don't think that I haven't figured out what you two are up to. If you two insist on having sex in my hospital, can you at least refrain from ending up in ER each time? It's not good for my liability, and it really can't be that romantic… or fulfilling." She turned to leave, but threw over her shoulder "Oh - and my office is out of bounds."

With that parting blow and a look that said 'you just got owned' she marched out, letting the door close behind her on two stunned faces; one mortified, the other grudgingly impressed.

"So…" House scooted closer to Wilson and breathed in his ear. "Wanna do it on the balcony? We fall there, we'll end up in the morgue. Bypass ER completely."


End file.
